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Guest Blog
This is an opportunity for other experts to write to this blog.
An Interview with Jackson Katz - Part II
Dear Engaged Bystander: This is Part II of my interview with Jackson Katz
Joan: What is your vision for creating that institutional change?
Jackson: I recognize that I am using a very broad definition for bystander engagement: ANYONE who has peers, friends or colleagues, or anyone who plays a leadership role in a social group or institutional setting – which means virtually EVERYBODY. What is required is not just individual but institutional change. This is beginning to happen in the military. MVP has been doing bystander-focused prevention training in the military for 14 years, and it is exciting that now all four major branches of the U.S. military have decided to employ bystander programming system-wide to prevent sexual and domestic violence. For example, by the summer of 2012 the Air Force has mandated that all personnel at every level need to go through what they’re calling Bystander Intervention Training. This training includes examining and interrupting behaviors on an abuse continuum, and also includes elements of media literacy education.
That level of commitment represents an institutional shift. It is promising in part because of the potential impact this can have in the larger culture. Just like the MVP program’s initial strategy of targeting men in athletics, men in the military have a kind of elevated status in parts of male culture, and it is possible to leverage that status to make speaking out about sexism and sexist abuse more normal and acceptable among men. When men with traditional masculine authority speak out it gives all of us more credibility – especially with men who are skeptical. When the New England Patriots, the Marine Corps or the U.S. Army does bystander training, average guys can’t as easily write it off as “pc” posturing or anti-male propaganda. At the same time, women in the military play an increasingly important role both in and outside of the military in redefining femininity, and bystander training helps them develop skills that can have a powerful effect in the service and beyond.
Joan: How do you see this affecting those who are not in the military?
Jackson: When President Harry Truman signed an executive order in 1948 that racially integrated the military, it was part of – and had a tremendous impact on -- the emerging civil rights movement. Recently, I participated in a U.S. Army Summit on Sexual Harassment and Assault Prevention in Washington DC. Many key military leaders were there, including the Army Chief of Staff and the Sergeant Major of the Army, who gave keynote addresses. What the military is doing today in this area is really ahead of the curve. There is nothing in the civilian world of this scope and magnitude. Imagine what it would be like for some of the largest corporations or religious organizations to gather together for this kind of summit and make this kind of commitment. It really is pretty amazing. We need to encourage and pressure civilian institutions – especially schools – to study what the military is doing and take ideas from them.
Joan: How do you see changes in technology affecting our work in coming years?
Jackson: New technologies provide new opportunities – both good and bad. And those of us who do bystander work need of course to integrate the new technologies of communication and social interaction into our conception of the role of the bystander. One scenario we use in MVP is as follows. You are a young man sitting alone in your room, and you receive a text from a friend with a sexually explicit photo attached of his former girlfriend. No one else is in the room, but you are still a bystander -- to an abusive act by your friend, who’s sent this picture without her knowledge or consent. What do you do? People generally agree that if you decide to send the text to another friend (e.g., “Jimmy you’ve got to see this” and push send) you are no longer a bystander – you are now contributing to that original abusive act. But what do you do? This scenario does not fit the usual bystander paradigm of seeing a friend getting a young woman drunk at a party.
As educators and activists – and as parents -- we need to preemptively initiate conversations with young people about these kinds of situations, where people often make quick decisions that in the Digital Age can have ramifications for the rest of their lives. Here again we need to address the question of institutional responsibility. Educators everywhere need to have these conversations long before that moment of truth! If institutional leaders do not initiate curricular innovations or programming on these sorts of issues then they are being passive bystanders.
Joan: Thank you so much Jackson. I loved having an excuse to call you to ask these questions. Questions that I ask myself every day... And I am truly moved by both your passion and your vision for where we all need to focus for the future. Thank you!
For more information about his books, films and for many useful tools, visit Jackson Katz’s website.
Warmly
Joan
It's Never to Late to Say Something
Dear Engaged Bystander: 50 years later, the impact of a bystander to child sexual abuse could not be more profound. Imagine finally making the decision to talk about incest with your elderly aunt – only to find that she is willing to listen, acknowledge your reality and loving say “I am happy to hear you know it was not your fault.”
This week, I had the chance to spend some time with a wonderful friend and colleague, Donna Jenson. Donna has written and performs a one woman play, “What She Knows: One Woman’s Way Through Incest”, based on her life as an incest survivor and what she has done to make her life worth living. It is a powerful play that she ties to an open conversation with her audience.
She shared with me an amazing bystander story and conversation with her 80 year old Aunt Mable. As background to this story, Donna has let me share with you that she was sexually abused by her father from the age of seven to the age of twelve. Although she has been an incredible activist for women and for survivors for decades, it took her until the age of 45 to come out to her family as a survivor of child sexual abuse. Many in her family refused to believe it. Others recognized that something was not right.
Joan: What did that mean to you, that some of your family recognized what was going for you at that time?
One of my aunts told me something I hadn’t known. Early on in my life (I was maybe 3) my maternal grandmother knew something was very wrong – she noticed I trembled whenever my father entered a room. She tried to talk to my mom about it. My mother told my aunt, “If she makes me choose between him and the family, I’ll choose him.” And my grandmother remained silent.
I still wonder what would have happened to my life if their world had been surrounded by the idea of helping whole families, offenders included, rather than either putting up with them or throwing them away?
Joan: Now that it is 20 years later, what is it like for you to be in touch with your Aunt?
I love having contact with my family and especially my Aunt now that my grandmother is gone. My Aunt Mable writes to me every Christmas and now even stays in touch through email and texting. In January of last year, I told her about my play and what it was about. Her immediate response was, “I would love to read it.” I did not send it to her because, even after all of these years, I was afraid that I would lose her too…”
When I said I was coming to visit, she sent me a text that said, “So glad you are coming to visit. By the way, I am still waiting for a copy of your play.” I took a deep breath, wrote back and sent the play and my website. Two days later, I got a note that said “Just to let you know received the narrative. Have read it many times – trying to absorb it. Letter will follow.” I felt my stomach cringe, and even after all of these years, I got nervous about what her reaction might be.
Then I got another note that made all of the difference in the world. “I liked it. It is written well and serves the purpose for why it was written… I am happy you can say ‘it wasn’t my fault’ because my dear it was not your fault. Thank you for sending it to me. Love you.”
Joan: How did you respond to her? How did it make you feel?
I wrote back to tell her that she is the best Aunt a girl could ever hope for. And her message, which I still have saved on my cell phone, makes me cry. It is like a little piece of grace. No matter how much hard work I do, there is a little pool of muck that remains – that is not fully drained. But when someone that close to the situation validates what I have done. It is the grandest, purest of affirmations, especially when most of the rest of my family can’t deal with this.
Joan: What would you say to other families that might have a sense that something is not quite right?
You can make a difference -- just by being there. My Aunt Mable was one of the people I felt safe with. She has let me know that she knew something was not right. She was aware of the alcoholism and recognized what a tyrant my father was, even if she was not aware of the depth of the sexual abuse. Aunt Mable would always find ways to have special time with me, bounce me on her knee and sing silly songs together. In reality, when she came to visit I was safe. On her visits, she would sleep in my room and on those nights, nothing happened to me.
These moments of safety and this special attention is part of the foundation that allowed me to build my healthy life today. My Aunt, my grandmother, my husband, my daughter, my grandson, Cole and the people, friends, I call my family of choice are all a part of this foundation. And for those who struggle with what to say, please know that her affirmations 50 years later of what was not right in my childhood is healing for me. And yes for me the only word to describe it is a form of grace.
Joan: For more information about Donna’s work as a survivor and her incredible play, go to:
Part 2: Emerging Technology as a Tool for Bystander Engagement
Dear Engaged Bystander: Here is the second part of a great conversation with Marianne Winters of Graphix for Change.
Joan: So given your expertise, how do we meet these challenges using this technology?
Marianne: Here’s the challenge to those of us working in organizations addressing sexual violence. To the general public seeking basic information, our knowledge base is one of the best kept secrets on the internet. Search engines have certain rules. They find information based on their matrices that involve key words, phrases, and links to good information. Search engines don’t discern between survivor-centered and supportive messages and victim-blaming non-supportive messages.
We can meet this challenge by strategically building our expert status. We need to create and publish the website pages, blog posts, articles, and links to the information that we know bystanders need. We can do this by getting savvy about how the internet finds and prioritizes information and optimizing our own websites to respond.
Joan: Do you have any advice for organizations moving forward?
Marianne: From the technology end, we need to realize that the internet which at first was a convenient place for organizations to post an electronic version of their brochures and reports, is now an interactive, changing, breathing thing. Many organizations are now catching up to this trend and they’re seeing results. The organizations and the messages that rise to the top are building websites that also become platforms for news and information, for discussion and trends. These website are more than just posted information, they help communities engage and connect, they attract donors and supporters – in these situations, their work is more often coming up on the front page. Yes it changes things, it often requires changing job descriptions, workplans, updating skills, and increasing knowledge, but the payoff can be huge – survivors can more easily find you, donors can more readily support you, communities can more easily engage with you.
Joan: What does that mean for bystander work?
Marianne: When building your platforms, think about your audiences. When you post information, be sure to think about how it will be read by survivors and then how it will be read by the friends and families of survivors and victims. You may also want to consider what it means to be reach out to people who may know someone at risk to abuse or to someone who has not really thought about the issue much. If you find ways to interact with ALL of these audiences, you will have built a much more interactive and responsive conversation for your organization and your community.
If you are using your website as a platform to engage bystanders, we’d love to hear about it.
Marianne Winters is a leader in the movement to end and address sexualized and domestic violence and is passionate about progressive movements that are visionary, inclusive, current, responsive and proactive. Some would say that she’s “all over the place”. She prefers to say that she thrives on variety and is energized by the multi-faceted, never ending, interconnected and always exciting work of social change. She is the Project Diva for Graphix for Change and consultant and trainer for Praxis for Change.
Part 1: Emerging Technology as a Tool for Bystander Engagement
Dear Engaged Bystander: I have a teenager at home and I see how Facebook, texting, instant messaging and so many other social media tools are the mode of communications in their nearly 24/7 world. We often hear about the negative impact of these emerging technologies through bullying stories. I asked a national expert, Marianne Winters of Graphix for Change to talk about these same tools as an opportunity for bystander interventions.
Joan: Where do you see the match between the work you do and bystander intervention?
Marianne: There is an exciting match between the goals of the sexual violence movement and the opportunities created by the emerging internet technologies. We believe that our movement needs to jump into these new technologies to ensure that our voices are heard in this new and exciting environment.
Let me give you a concrete example. 
I just googled the term sexual violence in the city where I live. Here’s the list of sites on page one.
- the local sexual assault service provider,
- a training event that happened last year,
- 3 defense attorneys giving advice to someone accused of sexual assault or domestic violence,
- some general business links to the local rape crisis center and some other law firms.
- a listing of local newspaper articles on sexual assaults,
- some links to law firms 90 miles from here and some national organizations.
Then if I scroll through the entries, I begin to find sites that give messages about sexual violence – this is where it starts to become a problem.
- a YouTube video of a sex scene that is really a simulated rape.
- an entry in a website on college stories where a survivor of date rape shared her story and then received a long list of comments, some supportive, others victim blaming and abusive.
Here’s the good thing about this list. If I were a victim of rape looking for help, I would have found the local hotline easily enough.
Joan: And then what is the challenge here for bystander engagement?
Marianne: Here’s the challenge as I see it. Putting on the hat of an interested bystander, I did not find any information about what I could do to help end sexual violence. I easily found news and resources, yet I could not find any information about what I could do in my community. None of the important messages of the movement such as what role my school, sports team or my church could play in setting new social norms, increasing safety, support and comfort for victims or interventions for those at risk to abuse were anywhere in the top 50 listings.
Even more problematic for the sexual violence movement and the communities we serve, I didn’t see any simple information about what’s healthy and normal, what to expect if I report sexual abuse, or what to do when I someone I know discloses abuse to me. I can’t readily find out what will happen if I witness an abusive joke or have a friend who has attitudes that blame the victim.
Joan: So given your expertise, how do we meet these challenges using this technology?
Stay tuned for the next blog posting and conversation with Marianne Winters, Graphix for Change.
Dispatch from Vermont: The bystander approach through a health promotion lens
Dear Engaged Bystander: I’m all for the bystander approach and it seems as if the bystander strategy has taken a firm hold in the violence prevention field. I see many merits of the approach including reducing defensiveness in our conversations with men and boys, giving tools to address and interrupt problematic behaviors and attitudes on the spectrum of violence and empowering individuals to see themselves as part of a community response to violence. Wherever we have tried using the bystander approach there have been important shifts in our communities towards holding perpetrators accountable and involving everyone in the role of keeping each other safe; both key elements in our movement’s work.
During this same time I have also seen the rise of a health promotion framework for violence prevention. Health promotion strategies push our primary prevention efforts in a new direction. Instead of redirecting attitudes that may already be deeply entrenched away from violence and highlighting problematic behavior we don’t want to see, health promotion builds the vision of what we DO want. Through health promotion, the core of our work becomes creating conditions that allow people to develop and nurture their sexuality. Through developing a deeper sense of understand and respect for their own healthy sexuality, I hope that people with develop a deeper respect for the diversity of expressions of others’, a respect that does not leave room for the perpetration of any form of sexual violence, abuse or harassment.
In Vermont we are about to roll out a statewide educational campaign around consent that uses a health promotion framework. There will be train the trainer programs where teams of adults, youth and youth serving organizations come together to learn and plan for how to bring the information back to their communities. One key aspect of this campaign is the involvement of youth in both the planning and educational efforts. Another is developing tools and activities that work across the social ecological model.
It was here that we found a new blend of heath promotion with bystander strategies. Within the Consent Campaign we offer tools and resources that encourage youth to become not just active bystanders who are ready to intervene, but youth who have an expectation that it is their responsibility to talk to their peers and share the information they gain around consent. Many research articles tell us that youth are most influenced by their social peers and we have learned that the messenger counts for so much in youth relationships. We are using that basic concept and empowering the kids to take the conversation out of the classroom and to their friends. We should be talking about these things with each other.
We are encouraging the expansion of the bystander role: not just there to intervene, but also to educate and engage. This model of collaboration with youth keeps our prevention information alive, passing it from one to the next. Hopefully, as we increase the level of conversation happening around healthy sexuality we will help break down the veil of secrecy that keeps so many victims from seeking and receiving support as well. By combining the bystander and health promotion approaches we build community capacity, expand our reach, and empower youth to become involved in our movement towards real social change.
Bethany Pombar is the Prevention Specialist at the Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence, where she has worked for 7 years. She has a B.S. in Prevention and Community Development and lives with her family in the smallest state capital in the nation where there are no fast food chains and only two traffic lights.
Superbowl Sunday – The Perfect Teachable Moment
Dear Engaged Bystander: Jackson Katz wrote a wonderful article for the Huffington Post called “What to Say to Boys and Men about Big Ben.” In the article, he outlines 11 excellent points about how to talk about Ben Roethlisberger, the star quarterback of the Pittsburg Steelers. For those of you who might not remember, Mr Roethlisberger was accused of raping a young woman in a bar bathroom while his bodyguards stood outside to prevent anyone from going in.
Before you watch the Superbowl this Sunday, read this excellent article. He talks about the importance of:
- Leadership, on and off the field
- Taking responsibility to stand up to people who mistreat others
- The role that teammates and friends can play in preventing sexual violence
These points are also summarized by the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Rape.
This article provides the overview of what needs to be said to every boy and man and I would add, every girl and woman as well in America. I also would add encouragement to also have a conversation about the incident before or after the game. What Jackson Katz emphasizes so well is the impact that all of us can have on the prevailing beliefs of our friends and family. But a conversation might sound a little differently than the article. So if it is helpful, here are some questions you may want ask:
- Did you hear about the incident? What was your reaction? Does your reaction change or would you feel differently if the woman was your best friend, your sister, or your daughter?
- What did you think about his suspension for four games at the beginning of the season? Are there other ways that the NFL could have sent a strong message that sexual violence is not acceptable?
- If the Pittsburg Steelers wanted to take on a leadership role in the fight against sexual violence, what could they do with the national focus on their time during the Superbowl?
I am sure there are many other questions to ask. But if you can, take the time to bring some attention to this issue, before, after or in the right households even during the game.
Warmly
joan
Jackson Katz, Ph.D., is the creator and co-founder of the Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) program, the leading sexual and domestic violence prevention initiative in college and professional athletics. For more information, visit www.jacksonkatz.com.
Interview with Alan Berkowitz
Dear Engaged Bystander: I had a wonderful opportunity to talk with Alan Berkowitz to learn more about what he is focusing his work towards these days. If you don't know of Alan, he is an internationally recognized expert on bystander behavior, violence prevention and social justice issues; author of Response Ability: A Complete Guide to Bystander Intervention; and always an inspiration to talk with.
Below is a part of the great conversation we had last week:
Joan: Why do you think there is this growing attention to bystander approaches to prevention?
Alan: It is a very exciting moment in the prevention field because we are beginning to frame the solution as a community responsibility. In the past we tended to look only at the impact of sexual violence on the victim or to invest in the punishment of the perpetrator. Now people are seeing that sexual violence takes place in a community and that community either inhibits or unintentionally encourages that violence. 
Joan: I love the deep values that you bring to this work, can you talk about that a little?
Alan: I believe that most people have a good heart and want to do the right thing. But as professionals, we often approach a community with ideas about how to “fix them”. We tell them there are things they don’t notice or don’t seem to understand. I am taking a radical step here, and saying that we need to approach people with compassion for where they are and begin there. The good news is that most people want to do the right thing and be part of the solution. We can even approach the perpetrator with the ideal of compassion, while holding him (or her) accountable for their behavior. If we believe that most people want to do the right thing, it gives us a way to engage them as bystanders and help them act on their concern.
To change this around, we need to start with the positive, what people do notice. I am convinced that there are a lot of people in every community that are waiting and willing to do the right thing, who are uncomfortable with mistreatment. I am convinced that WE need to figure out how to invite them into the discussion.
Joan: Why do so few people think they can intervene?
Alan: As a society, we have set up artificial barriers for anyone to get involved. Then when someone climbs over those barriers, we call them heroes and we say how very special they are and essentially, we are saying that we can’t possibly be like them. But we can teach people to get involved and lower the barriers.
Take Rosa Parks. One day she decided not to give up her seat and she sparked a huge social movement. What most people don’t know is that she went to the Highlander Center for years for training. One day she got fed up and decided to do something. On the one hand she was undoubtedly a marvelous human being and yet at the same time it was also what she learned through those years of training that allowed her to be an agent of change – and these are things that we can all learn.
Joan: What are the barriers that people face?
Alan: One important barrier is MISPERCEPTION. Human beings are social creatures. We pay attention to people and we are influenced by them. For example, in the research about men we have found that the biggest influence on men is other men. Research has also demonstrated that, the biggest influence on whether a man will intervene is whether THEY THINK THAT OTHER MEN will intervene. And in general we think that others are not bothered, or don’t want to do anything, when they do.. That is a huge misperception that inhibits us from acting on our instincts to do the right thing.
That is a cognitive barrier that we can correct. We can make it known in a variety of ways that we do care and that we would get involved and that we would support others who want to act.
Another important barrier is a SKILLS BARRIER. In general, we don’t know what to do and if we have some sense of that, we don’t know how to do it. We can teach the skills to intervene and we need to make sure that the interventions are both comfortable and doable. That is what my book, Response Ability is all about – choices on how to intervene.
The key message is that doing something is better than doing nothing.
Joan: Can you give me an example of addressing this skills barrier?
For example, someone makes a joke that objectifies someone. Our job is to give everyone something that they can do. It is fine to deflect the situation, rather than confront. Even an abrupt change in conversation shows that what was said was not acceptable. Activists, who have been involved in the movement, will sometimes say that deflection is a cop out. But I believe that we need to give everyone something to do. There really is a RANGE of SKILLS that can be taught, from direct and confrontational to indirect to what I call a place of “generosity” – taking the time to engage in a conversation to find out why they said something so objectifying.
Joan: What do you think is your contribution to bystander intervention?
Alan: There are a lot of people doing great work in this field. Each is offering something valuable. I feel that my unique contribution to the bystander discussion is the essential belief that we are all part of something bigger. I began this work from a social norms perspective. There is now empirical research which shows that people can change their actions by correcting a misperception of their peer group, and that intervening is a skill that can be taught. Our desire to act shows that there are values or a connection to something bigger that we share –even though we may not realize that it is shared.
Our desire to act shows that there are values or a connection to something bigger that we share – our job in the bystander movement, is to tie our work to this common desire to act. When we are successful, we will begin to see the kind of changes we so passionately want in our communities.
For more information about Alan’s work, you can visit his website.
Practical Tips for Engaging Bar Staff in Sexual Violence Prevention by Meg Bossong
Dear Engaged Bystander: I hope that others can learn from what we have done so far and share with us some other successes (or mistakes) along the way. Here are four tips:
Tip One: Constructing bystander interventions as part of good customer service
The foundation of our training is that we’re merely expanding their professional skills of the bar staff, and sexual violence prevention is part of excellent customer service. When a bar is seen as safe, comfortable, and enjoyable, with friendly and helpful staff, it leads to repeat business and good tips.
This is not altogether different from the language we use around other types of bystander interventions. The message is, “You don’t have to be a superhero, and the types of steps you can take are the same sorts of things you already do to be a good (friend/colleague/professional, etc.).”
Tip Two: Grounding skill-building in real service-industry experience
This is has been one of the most important pieces of building the credibility and efficacy of the training program, and we include it in several ways.
The initial piece of the training is designed to broaden the perspective of the participants. As with most folks, many service industry staff imagine that sexual violence in a bar setting primarily involves blitz attacks by strangers in restrooms or after patrons leave the premises, or drugging of drinks with some of the more widely-known drugs like rohypnol or ketamine.
We don’t minimize those experiences, because they certainly do happen, but we also bring in a great deal of research on friend/partner/acquaintance assaults (which could include an individual someone just met that evening) and what the grooming behavior might look like. After presenting that information, we solicit feedback from participants, to ask if they can provide examples of similar behavior that they’ve seen.
The examples and case studies we use are pulled from the experiences of longtime service industry staff who helped us create this training. Marcella, a 15-year veteran in the restaurant business, shared this story: She was serving a table of two individuals out on a date, but when the woman went to the restroom, the man asked Marcella to bring a few rounds of shots to the table. The problem was that he asked Marcellato serve his date vodka and him water. When she did bring the shots to the table, she switched them so that the woman got the water. When the woman complained that she had received water, Marcella explained to her what her companion had asked her to do, and said she must have mixed them up. It brought the hidden situation into the open and Marcella was there to ensure that the woman knew what was going on.
Tip Three: Creating Teams within Each Establishment Ensures a Broader Range of Responses
From working directly with the service industry, we learned that staff in different roles have very different levels of responsibility and “status” in their work setting. We learned that security staff, servers, bartenders, and management all see different sides of the scene from night to night, and they have many different interventions and opportunities at their disposal. Service staff suggested that when we split into smaller groups to practice bystander skills, we build “teams” from each role, to foster communication between different roles and to practice utilizing the different interventions that each person can do in a given situation. We feel that this is key to the success of our program. For example, while a patron’s sexually inappropriate behavior might not rise to the level of being ejected by the bouncer, it might merit a check-in by the server or manager, or the bartender monitoring the amount of alcohol being ordered and consumed by the patron or whomever they’re with.
Tip Four: Helping bars and restaurants support a safe environment with passive messaging
In addition to providing resource information about our services to the service staff, we wanted to have information available to the patrons of each establishment. BARCC invested the time and resources to design posters that could be adapted to the bar’s aesthetic and then helped to hang them in various locations (staff-only areas, restrooms for both genders, and general patron areas). Here are just some of our messages: “We care about your safety. If someone is bothering you or making you uncomfortable, let [insert name of security staff or manager] know” or “We’re looking out for your safety tonight. Help us out—let us know if you or someone else would like some assistance.” The purpose of these posters is multi-level. BARCC wanted to place bystander messages as reminders for staff about what they can do, let patrons know that the establishment was on the lookout for everyone’s safety and comfort, and let patrons know that they too can have a role in keeping themselves and their friends safe.
If you have some other experiences to share, please post them for all of us to see. If you would like more information about BARCC you can look at our website at www.barcc.org. If you want more information about BARCC’s bar training program or you would like to see one of our posters, you can contact me directly at MBossong@barcc.org org
From working directly with the service industry, we learned that staff in different roles have very different levels of responsibility and “status” in their work setting. We learned that security staff, servers, bartenders, and management all see different sides of the scene from night to night, and they have many different interventions and opportunities at their disposal. Service staff suggested that when we split into smaller groups to practice bystander skills, we build “teams” from each role, to foster communication between different roles and to practice utilizing the different interventions that each person can do in a given situation. We feel that this is key to the success of our program. For example, while a patron’s sexually inappropriate behavior might not rise to the level of being ejected by the bouncer, it might merit a check-in by the server or manager, or the bartender monitoring the amount of alcohol being ordered and consumed by the patron or whomever they’re with.
Tip Four: Helping bars and restaurants support a safe environment with passive messaging
In addition to providing resource information about our services to the service staff, we wanted to have information available to the patrons of each establishment. BARCC invested the time and resources to design posters that could be adapted to the bar’s aesthetic and then helped to hang them in various locations (staff-only areas, restrooms for both genders, and general patron areas). Here are just some of our messages: “We care about your safety. If someone is bothering you or making you uncomfortable, let [insert name of security staff or manager] know” or “We’re looking out for your safety tonight. Help us out—let us know if you or someone else would like some assistance.” The purpose of these posters is multi-level. BARCC wanted to place bystander messages as reminders for staff about what they can do, let patrons know that the establishment was on the lookout for everyone’s safety and comfort, and let patrons know that they too can have a role in keeping themselves and their friends safe.
If you have some other experiences to share, please post them for all of us to see. If you would like more information about BARCC you can look at our website at www.barcc.org. If you want more information about BARCC’s bar training program or you would like to see one of our posters, you can contact me directly at MBossong@barcc.org org
Thanks for reading!
Meg Bossong
Community Mobilizing Project Manager
Boston Area Rape Crisis Center
Bystander Intervention, “neat”: engaging bar staff in sexual violence prevention
Dear Engaged Bystander: Two seemingly unrelated facts about me: I am a huge fan of primary prevention. And I am a Yelp-er. I rely on the consumer-review website for guidance about the best tailor in my neighborhood to where I can unfailingly find delicious ravioli or patio dining.
So what do these things have to do with each other? I notice that while most reviewers (including myself) will praise an establishment or take it to task for the quality of the service or the price of the drinks, we rarely include “How safe do we feel there?” as an aspect of the service or atmosphere.
That’s precisely where the primary prevention comes in.
Bars and lounges have historically been problematic spaces in the fight to prevent sexual violence. Expectations about alcohol are maddeningly intertwined with expectations about sex, and all of this takes place in the low-lit din of spots where the behavior of people who would look to hurt someone else might fly under the radar.
Bystander intervention at bars is not a new concept, but most often, it is directed toward encouraging individual patrons to protect potential victims: look out for your friends, come together and leave together, and don’t let your friend leave with someone if they seem to be too intoxicated. Those are all excellent and sensible tips, and I think ones that can be effective.
But what if we could take it further? Rather than try to reach and skill-build with every potential reveler, what if we could make effective bystander intervention part of the atmosphere at a bar? For the past few years, that’s what we at the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center have been trying to do, and I’d like to highlight some of the unique and innovative aspects of the project.
How we got started working with Bars
The bar trainings BARCC conducts across the city grew from our relationship with the Boston Police Department’s (BPD) sexual assault unit, and from the BPD’s relationship to the Liquor Licensing Board. The police department had identified a handful of “hot spots” in the city—areas with high concentrations of popular bars frequented by both large numbers of college students and tourists alike—and collaborated with the licensing board to call a meeting of bar owners and management in that area, to which we were invited.
A bar without a liquor license might as well be a vacant storefront, so linking the conversation about sexual violence to licensing was key to getting the attention of bar owners -- an audience that we might otherwise have a difficult time reaching. The police and licensing board were also able to address some legitimate concerns of the owners: in the past, bars who repeatedly called on the police risked being seen as “problem” establishments and therefore would jeopardize their license. The police and licensing board assured bar owners that the bars who did call the police to handle sexual violence-related matters would NOT jeopardize their license. Finally, the police and licensing board introduced BARCC staff and the training programs that we could offer to bar staff.
Tomorrow, I will write about some of the practical tips we learned along the way.
Thanks for reading!
Meg Bossong
Community Mobilizing Project Manager
Guest Blog: Empowerment Changes our Stories
Dear Engaged Bystander: This is the last of 3 postings by Meg Stone. Thank you Meg for the guest blog postings!
About five years ago I was in a meeting with a group of sexual assault and domestic violence advocates. The focus was defining and implementing primary prevention, or interventions that stop acts of abuse before they are perpetrated. As a group with extensive experience running well-regarded crisis intervention, medical advocacy and survivor healing programs we struggled to conceptualize what our work would look like if abuse were stopped before any of those interventions were needed.
“How can I measure a sexual assault that didn’t happen?” one of my colleagues asked. Many of us nodded.
Sexual violence almost always happens in private, and it’s marbled so tightly with the most intimate and mundane parts of our lives that it’s hard to measure. Even harder to measure is the number of people who would have perpetrated abuse but didn’t.
This question stayed with me for a couple years. Can we as advocates and activists do something to change to course of abuse? A couple years later, while teaching an IMPACT Women’s Self-Defense class, I got my answer.
I began the class the way I usually did, by asking people to share anything that had come up since the previous class. One student, a mother, shared a story about a family event she’d attended. At a family gathering she found an acquaintance interacting with her young daughters in what she felt was a highly sexualized way. He tried to get them to go into the woods with him and encouraged them to ignore their parents’ rules. In response she was able to express her concerns to other family members she trusted and ensure that the girls were not left alone.
She later wrote me an email, a reflection on what happened that day:“What I learned from IMPACT is the importance of following my gut and not being afraid to say "NO!!!" or in this case, to say something quieter, but to LISTEN to my inner voice and to feel comfortable setting boundaries. As a mother, I needed to feel comfortable being bolder to protect my kids and not worry so much if I offended anyone. IMPACT did that for me. The class did not make me more suspicious, just more aware. I will never know if he had harmful intentions, but I'm glad I didn't take a risk with my children's safety. I am so glad that I was aware and picked up on this early.”
By trusting her gut, facing rather than ignoring the problem and acting this woman took what could have been a traumatic event in her daughters' lives and made it into a mostly unremarkable afternoon. This is what we do as bystanders.
