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Ending Blog: Together we could have the greatness to change history
Dear Engaged Bystander: For more than a year, I have focused this bystander blog on preventing sexual violence. As I complete this last blog entry, I hope to offer an equally compelling argument for us to extend bystander intervention AFTER the abuse has been perpetrated.
When someone discloses sexual abuse, the people around them often respond in fear and in anger. If it is their child, family or friend who is victimized, that anger can turn to rage. If we read or hear about the trauma but we don’t know the victim, then our response may be to isolate ourselves from the people and the pain with the singular thought of “keeping myself, my child, my friends, my family safe”.
How do fear, anger and rage help us listen to what a victim needs? How does our rage help us do whatever is necessary to keep the victim safe? (I do recognize that it does help to create public policy…) Although the anger and rage may feel right, are they really helpful in our attempts to hold someone accountable for their actions? It is hard to be truly vigilant when we are enraged. And the isolation created by “keeping myself, my family and my child safe” may be our first instinctive response, but we can’t stop there. If we do, listen to the rest of the sentence: “I don’t care as much about YOUR child, or your friend, as long as mine is safe...” It sends the message that we were powerless to prevent the abuse and equally powerless to stop any future abuse. That is NOT a message I want to send to anyone.
During one of my workshops, a leader in the tribal community compassionately said to me, “The problem with you white people is that you would cut off your head if you could do get rid of a headache. You can’t do that with headaches and you can’t do that with sex offenders. They are a part of our community.” I will never forget these words and I still struggle in a good way with how to apply them in my own communities.
I KNOW that our first response must always protect the victim. But if we stop there, it is clearly not enough. Like a stone that is thrown into a pond, we need to follow the ripples outward. We need to take a systemic look at a situation which means that we need to not only protect the victim, but we also need to ensure that each victim has the resources to heal.
Following the ripples outward, we need to hold the abuser accountable for his or her actions AND we need ensure that when he or she returns to the community has the resources to integrate safely back into that community. This has been a huge failure in our society, especially when the person who abuses is a child or adolescent. But to ensure safety for the victim, the abuser and the community we need to understand the risk factors and protective factors of those who abuse and how to create effective safety plans for abusers, families, institutions and communities. How many of us have taken the time to understand those who abuse – especially the children and teens who abuse? I believe that it is through this understanding that we can learn how to protect those we love. If you have not looked at the research or talked with someone who works with sex offenders, then consider taking on that responsibility.
Where to find it? Some great places to begin are the NSVRC fact sheet, the Center for Sex Offender Management and the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers. I also co-write through NEARI Press a monthly fact sheet about adolescents who are sexually abusive that highlights the most current research .
Continuing to follow the ripples outwards, we, as bystanders, need to look at our responsibilities to help our communities heal. I have heard so many stories where people who do something, even just acknowledge a survivor’s experience 40 years later can have a huge impact on healing. Unfortunately, there are very few models and resources for community healing and this is critical to our movement. If we can imagine and safely implement a variety of responses to sexual abuse that range from prison to lifetime probation to returning safely into job, home and community we will empower the community to keep ourselves and our community safe. We are not helpless in the face of sexual violence. But to do this, we need to have a VERY different response to:
- a 12-year old who sexually abuses a younger sibling or
- a 15-year old arrested for sexting or
- an 18-year old convicted of statutory rape after consensual sex with his girlfriend or
- the 25-year old who is downloading child pornography or
- the 30-year old who rapes his girlfriend or
- the 40-year old who sexually abuses multiple children.
We also need to be sure that our response is both immediate and long term. To me, this is the role that bystanders need to take on. We feel the impact and can affect change for years after the abuse is perpetrated. We are not helpless in the face of sexual violence and we need to stay involved from the point of prevention, through a disclosure of sexual abuse to a place of healing in the community. There are a few models of this kind of accountability and safety in the community, but they do exist. If you have not yet read about Circles of Support and Accountability or the incredible response of the First Nation of Canada in Hollow Water, please take the time to read about these.
I know you know this, but if we accept the fact that we all are affected by a sexual assault then we also need to take on the responsibility of finding a path of safety for everyone in the community. If we, as bystanders, stay connected to the victim, the abuser and everyone in their families and circles of friends then ALL of us are safer.
With this blog ending, please take the time, today, this week to try to challenge yourself to be a more active bystander. It might mean reading some of these resources or choosing to offer help to someone at the supermarket checkout line. Robert Kennedy said “Few of us have the greatness to bend history itself, but each of us can work to change a small portion of the events and in the total of all those acts, will be written the history of our generation."
I will miss writing this blog and the chance to interact so please keep in touch. And with the works of Bobby Kennedy in mind, I know that together, we will make our homes, communities and society a safer place for those we love.
Warmly
joan
PS Thanks to Becky Palmer, a friend and colleague who offered some fabulous ideas for this blog and always wonderful conversation. Becky works with both survivors and offenders at Alternative Behavior Treatment Centers and is on the Board of Directors of ATSA.
An Interview with Jackson Katz - Part II
Dear Engaged Bystander: This is Part II of my interview with Jackson Katz
Joan: What is your vision for creating that institutional change?
Jackson: I recognize that I am using a very broad definition for bystander engagement: ANYONE who has peers, friends or colleagues, or anyone who plays a leadership role in a social group or institutional setting – which means virtually EVERYBODY. What is required is not just individual but institutional change. This is beginning to happen in the military. MVP has been doing bystander-focused prevention training in the military for 14 years, and it is exciting that now all four major branches of the U.S. military have decided to employ bystander programming system-wide to prevent sexual and domestic violence. For example, by the summer of 2012 the Air Force has mandated that all personnel at every level need to go through what they’re calling Bystander Intervention Training. This training includes examining and interrupting behaviors on an abuse continuum, and also includes elements of media literacy education.
That level of commitment represents an institutional shift. It is promising in part because of the potential impact this can have in the larger culture. Just like the MVP program’s initial strategy of targeting men in athletics, men in the military have a kind of elevated status in parts of male culture, and it is possible to leverage that status to make speaking out about sexism and sexist abuse more normal and acceptable among men. When men with traditional masculine authority speak out it gives all of us more credibility – especially with men who are skeptical. When the New England Patriots, the Marine Corps or the U.S. Army does bystander training, average guys can’t as easily write it off as “pc” posturing or anti-male propaganda. At the same time, women in the military play an increasingly important role both in and outside of the military in redefining femininity, and bystander training helps them develop skills that can have a powerful effect in the service and beyond.
Joan: How do you see this affecting those who are not in the military?
Jackson: When President Harry Truman signed an executive order in 1948 that racially integrated the military, it was part of – and had a tremendous impact on -- the emerging civil rights movement. Recently, I participated in a U.S. Army Summit on Sexual Harassment and Assault Prevention in Washington DC. Many key military leaders were there, including the Army Chief of Staff and the Sergeant Major of the Army, who gave keynote addresses. What the military is doing today in this area is really ahead of the curve. There is nothing in the civilian world of this scope and magnitude. Imagine what it would be like for some of the largest corporations or religious organizations to gather together for this kind of summit and make this kind of commitment. It really is pretty amazing. We need to encourage and pressure civilian institutions – especially schools – to study what the military is doing and take ideas from them.
Joan: How do you see changes in technology affecting our work in coming years?
Jackson: New technologies provide new opportunities – both good and bad. And those of us who do bystander work need of course to integrate the new technologies of communication and social interaction into our conception of the role of the bystander. One scenario we use in MVP is as follows. You are a young man sitting alone in your room, and you receive a text from a friend with a sexually explicit photo attached of his former girlfriend. No one else is in the room, but you are still a bystander -- to an abusive act by your friend, who’s sent this picture without her knowledge or consent. What do you do? People generally agree that if you decide to send the text to another friend (e.g., “Jimmy you’ve got to see this” and push send) you are no longer a bystander – you are now contributing to that original abusive act. But what do you do? This scenario does not fit the usual bystander paradigm of seeing a friend getting a young woman drunk at a party.
As educators and activists – and as parents -- we need to preemptively initiate conversations with young people about these kinds of situations, where people often make quick decisions that in the Digital Age can have ramifications for the rest of their lives. Here again we need to address the question of institutional responsibility. Educators everywhere need to have these conversations long before that moment of truth! If institutional leaders do not initiate curricular innovations or programming on these sorts of issues then they are being passive bystanders.
Joan: Thank you so much Jackson. I loved having an excuse to call you to ask these questions. Questions that I ask myself every day... And I am truly moved by both your passion and your vision for where we all need to focus for the future. Thank you!
For more information about his books, films and for many useful tools, visit Jackson Katz’s website.
Warmly
Joan
Interview with Jackson Katz - Part I
Dear Engaged Bystander: As my year as the NSVRC blogger comes to a close, I thought about who are the people who can provide insights to carry us all forward. Jackson Katz immediately came to mind. He is one of the first to apply bystander thinking, interventions and strategies to prevent sexual violence. So I am thrilled to have had a chance to speak with him and add his words to these last few blogging days.
For those of you who don’t know Dr. Katz, here is a brief bio: Jackson Katz is an activist, educator, author and filmmaker, internationally recognized for his groundbreaking work in the field of gender violence prevention education, particularly in the sports culture and the military. He co-founded the Mentors in Violence Prevention (MVP) program in 1993. MVP is one of the original bystander programs; it has been widely influential in the burgeoning field of bystander intervention. In 1997 he created the first worldwide domestic and sexual violence prevention program in the United States Marine Corps, a program he still directs. He and his MVP colleagues also work closely with the Air Force, Army and Navy in the development of their bystander programs. You might also know him through his educational videos for college and high school students, including Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity (2000), Wrestling With Manhood (2002) and Spin the Bottle: Sex, Lies and Alcohol (2004) or his book, The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help (2006).
Part I:
Joan: What advice can you give to those of us invested in bystander approaches to preventing sexual violence?
Jackson: I believe that bystander intervention – broadly understood – is the future of sexual assault prevention. But to be effective, we need a common and comprehensive understanding of the term ‘bystander.’ I prefer an expansive definition of ‘bystander’ that is rooted in social justice philosophy and education. Many people think of a bystander as someone who is present at the scene of a potential incident. Part of the confusion is how the word ‘bystander’ sounds; it sounds like it means ‘someone who is standing by.’ The way we have always used the term in the MVP program is to describe anyone who isn’t either a perpetrator or a victim in a given situation but is in a position to intervene before, during or after the act. Or a member of a peer culture that contains abusers or victims. Or an authority figure in a position to enact prevention strategies. In that sense virtually everyone is a bystander. The critical question is: are you an empowered/active bystander or an inactive/passive bystander?
To really transform our culture we need to go beyond simply teaching individuals the skills they need to intervene in given situations. We need to expand our thinking beyond the individual 20-year-old college or high school student, drinking at a party. For example, a person in a position of institutional authority, whether they’re a governor or mayor, university or college president, school superintendent or the principal of a high school, who does not use their position to initiate, fund and lead sexual violence prevention efforts, he or she is being a passive bystander. Individual skill building is important, but we need to look at systemic solutions. Unfortunately most people hear the word ‘bystander’ and only look at the very narrow frame of the individual response at the site of the abusive act.
Joan: Can you further explain the social justice-oriented approach to bystander intervention?
Jackson: We have different levels of responsibility depending on where we sit on the continuum of social power. Of course individuals have a responsibility to act in their everyday lives and social worlds. But I am concerned that many bystander initiatives have moved away from the social justice roots of the bystander approach in a way that is both degendered and decontextualized. It is useful to compare our approaches to working against ending sexual violence with anti-racist efforts. For example, do blacks and whites have the same responsibility to work against racism in America? Most of us would agree that while we all need to fight racism, whites have a greater responsibility to act. The same is true of sexual violence. Do women have the same responsibility as men to interrupt sexual violence? When men commit the vast majority of it? (Whether the victims are women or men, girls or boys.) I believe women and men have complementary roles to play, but let’s not pretend that responsibility for prevention is shared equally between the sexes.
In our work to develop the MVP program in the early 1990s, social justice was our guiding philosophical foundation. The question I was most interested in was: how do we get more men to speak up to challenge other men about how some of us behave toward women? At the time there were very few men involved in sexual assault prevention work. At MVP we settled on a strategy to address men not as perpetrators or potential perpetrators, but, as we said, as ‘empowered bystanders who can confront abusive peers.’ It was similar to challenging whites to speak out about racism, or heterosexuals to interrupt heterosexism. Also, my idea to start MVP was not about the problem of sexual assault perpetrated by male student-athletes. It was about the role that sports play in the larger culture and particularly male culture. Men in sports often have enhanced status, and so we wanted them to use that status to help make it more acceptable for men to start challenging each other about how we treat women along a continuum of behaviors, ranging from sexist jokes and comments to sexual and domestic violence. Fairly soon thereafter we made the program mixed gender, addressing similar dynamics within female peer cultures and empowering women as bystanders as well. We’ve trained many thousands of women and girls, but we’ve never lost sight of the fact that ending men’s violence is more of a men’s than a women’s responsibility.
Joan: How does this social justice approach challenge us in a way that individual change may not?
Jackson: Solutions to social problems of the magnitude of sexual violence have to be social and institutional solutions. For example, there is no excuse for any college or university that has an athletic program NOT to have mandated sexual assault and relationship abuse prevention education for all student-athletes, coaches and athletic administrators. If a college or university does not have this kind of programming – and hundreds do not -- it represents a failure of leadership at the level of the athletic director or university administration. Sexual assault prevention education should be part of the student-athlete experience – for men and women, from the first moment a young student-athlete steps onto campus. For this to happen will require a shift in our expectations about the role of campus leaders – university officials, athletic administrators, and coaches. If they are not offering and requiring these kinds of programs, they are being passive bystanders and hence complicit in sexually abusive behaviors, many of which can be prevented. The same logic about institutional responsibility on college campuses applies to leaders of Greek systems, housing, and other entities.
Look for tomorrow’s posting, Part II of this interview with Jackson Katz.
Warmly
Joan
The Guts to Create a World We Want to Live In
Dear Engaged Bystander: In this blog, I invited Jennifer Rauhouse of Peer Solutions to talk about her work to engage bystanders in sexual violence prevention.
Joan: Can you tell me about your approach to bystander intervention:
Jennifer: To really have an impact, we have learned why and how to move beyond individual level bystander interventions. We believe that we all must shift away from putting the responsibility on the person harmed to prevent their own assault. We need to empower communities to be a part of the solution while holding those that harm accountable for their actions.
Joan: I am intrigued in what you have learned about HOW to engage people:
Jennifer: One important strategy we use at Peer Solutions is to use the words victimization, perpetration and bystander-intervention as verbs rather than nouns. This approach focuses on the behaviors we want to change while avoiding labels, stereotypes, myths and blame. When used as verbs, victimization and perpetration also mean the same thing. The action we want to encourage is to place full accountability on the person harming. Community level activities can then be focused on learning why individuals victimize as well as understanding and working to prevent the perceived norms that perpetuate the culture of harm. When the “Bystander Intervention” concept is used as a verb, we are able to empower everyone to be part of the solution.
Joan: Have you developed a specific program that focusing on engaging the community in taking on responsibility?
Jennifer: When we begin, our STAND & SERVE members are activated to “build the world they want to live in” as a safe bystander strategy. We find it helpful to begin with that positive vision rather than focus on the individual skill building surrounding the infinite possibilities about what they “should” do if they see/hear of an individual planning to sexually assault another. We have learned this strategy provides the best guarantee that our participants, who do witness a potentially dangerous situation, no matter where they are or what it is, when they perceive it to be safe, they will most definitely SPEAK UP and seek help.
Joan: How do you bring this positive world view into reality?
Jennifer: STAND & SERVE activities include weekly lunch meetings at local high schools, weekly after school meetings at community centers for elementary-post secondary level students and monthly STAND & SERVE Coalition meetings. In January of 2011, the STAND & SERVE Coalition launched THE GUTS TO BE GOOD (G2BG). Through G2BG we work towards creating a world where all humans are safe and are treated equally and with respect. G2BG promotes five simple acts of kindness.
1. The guts to be RESPECTFUL,
2. The guts to be COURTEOUS,
3. The guts to SPEAK UP,
4. The guts to be HONEST and
5. The guts to LEND A HAND.
We believe it takes everyone to end sexual violence. We are all Peers, We are all the Solution. We would like to thank Carol Hensell at ADHS guiding and supporting our bystander approach for the past ten years.
Click here for more information about the STAND & SERVE Coalition and their programs. Although their website is under-construction, but sure to check back in with them soon.
Warmly
joan
When Bystanders Do Nothing They Open the Door to Abuse
Dear Engaged Bystander: When I give talks, I think that the hardest concept to get across is that our current frame for decision-making is wrong. Talk with anyone who sees something that makes them uncomfortable (e.g., a man pushing against a woman breasts in a NYC subway or a neighbor taking pictures of all the young girls at the public pool) and the decision they are trying to make is “to do something or do nothing”. I think that when we are uncomfortable, we need to decide WHAT is the best and safest thing for me to do in this situation. And there are hundreds of actions we can take in ANY situation. Having experienced the NYC subway, here are some things I have seen or heard:
- A young woman just comes out to loudly say to the man “That is just gross”,
- A young man took a picture of him and quietly said if he did not stop it was getting sent to the police,
- Upon exiting the car, one woman spoke with the young woman to see if this was a friend and if she was OK
- An older man simply stepped in between the two of them creating a physical barrier
Imagine you are the young woman on the subway what message is she getting from all of the people doing nothing. Imagine you are watching this situation and then again, what message are you getting?
I recently read about a 17 year old high school junior who won a $1 million lawsuit from a Vermont school district where a principal, a teacher and a counselor were accused of failing to report their suspicions that a student was being sexually abused. The lawsuit asserted that the school officials knew about the abuse for over a year but did not report what was happening to Josh Langlois (then 10 years old). During that year, the Josh continued to be sexually assaulted by his uncle who used a dog cage, dog collar and chains on his nephew. After the prolonged and brutal sexual abuse, Josh was under custody of the state, bounced from school to school, had behavioral problems and lived for nearly two years at a residential care facility for sexually abusing behaviors. He now is living safely with a loving and stable foster family, getting good grades in school and making plans to attend college.
Josh Langlois asked that his name be used so that he could speak about the case. When asked why, he replied that he wanted to highlight the law that requires teachers and others to report their suspicions of child abuse. He went on to say that just one phone call can save a child from abuse.
In a small town, I can understand someone’s reluctance to report someone they know if they are not totally sure that a child is being harmed. But what we don’t often consider is the impact of our inactivity. In this case, Josh was sexually abused for more than a year. We need to find ways to see inaction as the deepest form of apathy and the only environment where sexual abuse can thrive. When asked whether you want to build a foundation for abuse, then doing nothing makes sense.
Josh has experienced what it means to say nothing and then went on to demonstrate what it means to speak out as a victim and as a child who also harmed others. To me and I hope for all of us, he is a hero.
Warmly,
Joan
How you report a story or how you read it makes all of the difference in the world
Dear Engaged Bystander: If you have not yet heard, the NY Times (and a number of other publications) wrote a story about a horrific case of an 11 year old child being raped by as many as 18 boys and young men. The case has rocked the lives of a small community in Texas.
An elementary school student told her teacher that she had seen a lurid cellphone video that included one of her classmates. This brave disclosure (and the teacher who listened to a young girl’s concern) led the police to an abandoned trailer, more evidence and, eventually, to a roundup of 18 young boys and young men (12-27 years old) on charges of participating in the gang rape of a young girl in an abandoned trailer home.
The controversy has sparked petitions and commentary on the way this particular case was covered. The NY Times story has been widely criticized for the lack of sensitivity (e.g., quoting neighbors on their concern for the young boys without mentioning any trauma that the victim may be experiencing) and for it’s general tone of victim blaming.
I want to be clear that any 11 year old who is raped (and brutally raped in this case) needs ALL of our support. We need to be sending a clear message to the victim that she did nothing wrong and that she did nothing to deserve this kind of treatment. So the comments quoted in this article about the way she dressed (e.g., she dressed like a 20 year old) and about her mother’s lack of supervision are painful to read and just wrong.
But I also think that the current debate is missing a lot.
First, there is nothing in the original article or any of the blogs that commends the child who reported the videos and the teacher who believed her. There are so many cases where people know something happened but no one speaks up. There are so many cases where the adult does not take a report seriously. Both are incredible and give everyone in the case a chance to get help. There is also nothing that commends the police because of their immediate response and following the evidence. Second, I do not have a problem with asking the question about the role and the lack of supervision by the mother of this 11 year old. But this is a small town and many people could have seen the wandering of an 11 year old, unsupervised and stepped in to help. Where were the neighbors and the faith communities and the child protective services and friends and neighbors? I also believe that if the NY Times decides to put in a quote about the victim, there should be the same question asked of the mothers of the middle school boys who were there as well. Where were the mothers and fathers of the middle school boys who raped an 11 year old? And last, I do think we need to begin to voice our concern for the victim AND for the boys who allegedly raped the 11 year old. Each of those adolescents need help and support from their families to acknowledge the harm they caused and support to help them turn their lives around.
My hope is that the 11 year old and her mother are getting the help and the support they deserve. I also hope that the boys and the young men get the help they need as well as being held accountable for this horrific crime. And last, I hope that this becomes a wake-up call for all of our communities, including Cleveland Texas. The next time someone sees a child or teen at risk -- a vulnerable child on the street or a group of young men in their late 20’s hanging out with middle school boys -- it is time to say something or do something. We all should learn from this.
Warmly
Joan
Part 2: Emerging Technology as a Tool for Bystander Engagement
Dear Engaged Bystander: Here is the second part of a great conversation with Marianne Winters of Graphix for Change.
Joan: So given your expertise, how do we meet these challenges using this technology?
Marianne: Here’s the challenge to those of us working in organizations addressing sexual violence. To the general public seeking basic information, our knowledge base is one of the best kept secrets on the internet. Search engines have certain rules. They find information based on their matrices that involve key words, phrases, and links to good information. Search engines don’t discern between survivor-centered and supportive messages and victim-blaming non-supportive messages.
We can meet this challenge by strategically building our expert status. We need to create and publish the website pages, blog posts, articles, and links to the information that we know bystanders need. We can do this by getting savvy about how the internet finds and prioritizes information and optimizing our own websites to respond.
Joan: Do you have any advice for organizations moving forward?
Marianne: From the technology end, we need to realize that the internet which at first was a convenient place for organizations to post an electronic version of their brochures and reports, is now an interactive, changing, breathing thing. Many organizations are now catching up to this trend and they’re seeing results. The organizations and the messages that rise to the top are building websites that also become platforms for news and information, for discussion and trends. These website are more than just posted information, they help communities engage and connect, they attract donors and supporters – in these situations, their work is more often coming up on the front page. Yes it changes things, it often requires changing job descriptions, workplans, updating skills, and increasing knowledge, but the payoff can be huge – survivors can more easily find you, donors can more readily support you, communities can more easily engage with you.
Joan: What does that mean for bystander work?
Marianne: When building your platforms, think about your audiences. When you post information, be sure to think about how it will be read by survivors and then how it will be read by the friends and families of survivors and victims. You may also want to consider what it means to be reach out to people who may know someone at risk to abuse or to someone who has not really thought about the issue much. If you find ways to interact with ALL of these audiences, you will have built a much more interactive and responsive conversation for your organization and your community.
If you are using your website as a platform to engage bystanders, we’d love to hear about it.
Marianne Winters is a leader in the movement to end and address sexualized and domestic violence and is passionate about progressive movements that are visionary, inclusive, current, responsive and proactive. Some would say that she’s “all over the place”. She prefers to say that she thrives on variety and is energized by the multi-faceted, never ending, interconnected and always exciting work of social change. She is the Project Diva for Graphix for Change and consultant and trainer for Praxis for Change.
Part 1: Emerging Technology as a Tool for Bystander Engagement
Dear Engaged Bystander: I have a teenager at home and I see how Facebook, texting, instant messaging and so many other social media tools are the mode of communications in their nearly 24/7 world. We often hear about the negative impact of these emerging technologies through bullying stories. I asked a national expert, Marianne Winters of Graphix for Change to talk about these same tools as an opportunity for bystander interventions.
Joan: Where do you see the match between the work you do and bystander intervention?
Marianne: There is an exciting match between the goals of the sexual violence movement and the opportunities created by the emerging internet technologies. We believe that our movement needs to jump into these new technologies to ensure that our voices are heard in this new and exciting environment.
Let me give you a concrete example. 
I just googled the term sexual violence in the city where I live. Here’s the list of sites on page one.
- the local sexual assault service provider,
- a training event that happened last year,
- 3 defense attorneys giving advice to someone accused of sexual assault or domestic violence,
- some general business links to the local rape crisis center and some other law firms.
- a listing of local newspaper articles on sexual assaults,
- some links to law firms 90 miles from here and some national organizations.
Then if I scroll through the entries, I begin to find sites that give messages about sexual violence – this is where it starts to become a problem.
- a YouTube video of a sex scene that is really a simulated rape.
- an entry in a website on college stories where a survivor of date rape shared her story and then received a long list of comments, some supportive, others victim blaming and abusive.
Here’s the good thing about this list. If I were a victim of rape looking for help, I would have found the local hotline easily enough.
Joan: And then what is the challenge here for bystander engagement?
Marianne: Here’s the challenge as I see it. Putting on the hat of an interested bystander, I did not find any information about what I could do to help end sexual violence. I easily found news and resources, yet I could not find any information about what I could do in my community. None of the important messages of the movement such as what role my school, sports team or my church could play in setting new social norms, increasing safety, support and comfort for victims or interventions for those at risk to abuse were anywhere in the top 50 listings.
Even more problematic for the sexual violence movement and the communities we serve, I didn’t see any simple information about what’s healthy and normal, what to expect if I report sexual abuse, or what to do when I someone I know discloses abuse to me. I can’t readily find out what will happen if I witness an abusive joke or have a friend who has attitudes that blame the victim.
Joan: So given your expertise, how do we meet these challenges using this technology?
Stay tuned for the next blog posting and conversation with Marianne Winters, Graphix for Change.
Dispatch from Vermont: The bystander approach through a health promotion lens
Dear Engaged Bystander: I’m all for the bystander approach and it seems as if the bystander strategy has taken a firm hold in the violence prevention field. I see many merits of the approach including reducing defensiveness in our conversations with men and boys, giving tools to address and interrupt problematic behaviors and attitudes on the spectrum of violence and empowering individuals to see themselves as part of a community response to violence. Wherever we have tried using the bystander approach there have been important shifts in our communities towards holding perpetrators accountable and involving everyone in the role of keeping each other safe; both key elements in our movement’s work.
During this same time I have also seen the rise of a health promotion framework for violence prevention. Health promotion strategies push our primary prevention efforts in a new direction. Instead of redirecting attitudes that may already be deeply entrenched away from violence and highlighting problematic behavior we don’t want to see, health promotion builds the vision of what we DO want. Through health promotion, the core of our work becomes creating conditions that allow people to develop and nurture their sexuality. Through developing a deeper sense of understand and respect for their own healthy sexuality, I hope that people with develop a deeper respect for the diversity of expressions of others’, a respect that does not leave room for the perpetration of any form of sexual violence, abuse or harassment.
In Vermont we are about to roll out a statewide educational campaign around consent that uses a health promotion framework. There will be train the trainer programs where teams of adults, youth and youth serving organizations come together to learn and plan for how to bring the information back to their communities. One key aspect of this campaign is the involvement of youth in both the planning and educational efforts. Another is developing tools and activities that work across the social ecological model.
It was here that we found a new blend of heath promotion with bystander strategies. Within the Consent Campaign we offer tools and resources that encourage youth to become not just active bystanders who are ready to intervene, but youth who have an expectation that it is their responsibility to talk to their peers and share the information they gain around consent. Many research articles tell us that youth are most influenced by their social peers and we have learned that the messenger counts for so much in youth relationships. We are using that basic concept and empowering the kids to take the conversation out of the classroom and to their friends. We should be talking about these things with each other.
We are encouraging the expansion of the bystander role: not just there to intervene, but also to educate and engage. This model of collaboration with youth keeps our prevention information alive, passing it from one to the next. Hopefully, as we increase the level of conversation happening around healthy sexuality we will help break down the veil of secrecy that keeps so many victims from seeking and receiving support as well. By combining the bystander and health promotion approaches we build community capacity, expand our reach, and empower youth to become involved in our movement towards real social change.
Bethany Pombar is the Prevention Specialist at the Vermont Network Against Domestic and Sexual Violence, where she has worked for 7 years. She has a B.S. in Prevention and Community Development and lives with her family in the smallest state capital in the nation where there are no fast food chains and only two traffic lights.
Caring is a Reflex
Dear Engaged bystander: I just finished reading the most recent issue of Partners in Social Change (PISC) focused on “Bystanders: Agents of Primary Prevention.” What struck me about this publication by the Washington Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs were the underlying values that thread through each and every one of these articles. Values of:
- hope,
- what each of us does (or doesn’t do) matters,
- we each have a chance to make a difference in someone’s life or in the world, and
- we do need to care for each other
For full disclosure, I wrote one of the articles in this issue.
In conversations with Kat Monusky, the editor of this publication, she said that she hoped the articles could provide practical examples for what individuals can do, but also provide practical insights to reframe a social environment that supports healthy relationship (not sexual violence).
Here is a quick preview:
- Telling a story to inspire action (Joan Tabachnick)
- Bystander Interventions: A commentary on relationship’s roles in ending seism and mal dominance (Eli Crawford)
- The Red Flag Campaign: Using media to engage bystanders (Liz Cascone and Kat McCord)
- Bystander Intervention, “neat”: Practical Tips for Engaging Bar Staff in Sexual Violence Prevention (Meg Bossong)
- Program Highlights: ASPEN and Green Dot (Clayton Self)
Each of these articles offer a unique insight into the issue of bystander intervention. And what I love about all of them is that they talk about the importance of everyone doing something AND discuss the importance of the environment that can encourage or discourage action. For example, Meg Bossong (featured in a prevention NSVRC blog posting) talks about the importance of involving bar staff in their program. She also talks about what she learned from them as key to the program success.
If you have time, this is a great snapshot of some great community based and college based programs. I think you will find it helpful to your work and hopefully provide you with food for thoughts and further discussion.
Warmly
joan
PS I recently read a great quote from Ram Dass where he says: “Caring is a reflex. Someone slips, your arm goes out. A car is in the ditch, you join the others and push. You live, you help.” I just love this expectation that we are there for each other.
