Dear Engaged Bystander:  I had the chance to talk with an incredible activist last week, Cassandra Thomas.  She shared her perspectives on why she cares so deeply about the bystander issue.  I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed having the chance to talk with her.  Warmly, Joan 
 
Why were you willing to be our first interview? (And thank you for doing that!)
I see the involvement of bystanders as key to this problem. If we can find people who will help, either before or in the middle of the situation, it can make all of the difference. 
 
Is there a situation you would be willing to share that has affected you in your life?
When I first went to college, I was drinking a lot and went to a lot of parties. There was one situation that changed the way I look at things. I don’t remember anything about this particular college party, leaving the party or even being in a car with a guy and a lot of his friends. But my friends saw me leave and they came down to the car and pulled me out. I was messed up and it would have led to another rape, but my friends recognized what was going on, pulled me out and said to the other guys, “you can NOT do her”.
 
Do you know why your friends stepped in? 
What happened to me a few months earlier actually seemed to help. I had been raped while I was home. When I was returning to school, my mom called my friends and let them know that I was not doing well. She asked my fraternity friends to look after me. They took that responsibility very seriously. And after that incident in the car, they made a decision that this is not going to happen to anyone we know or anyone at a fraternity party. 
 
At the time it did not seem like a big deal. But looking back, this was a HUGE deal for all of us to look after anyone who came to the frat parties.   
 
How does this affect your work?
Whenever I have a chance to speak, I let them know that we ALL have a responsibility. There will always be men who rape. There will always be men who molest children. But, there are enough who don’t do this. So I let people know that “in our little circle we can change this”. 
 
What does that look like? When you hear people talking about rape and making jokes, tell them stop. If you see a girl in trouble, then just ask the question. Maybe they don’t know the trouble they are in. Over time, people will know it is not OK to say that around me and THAT is how we make a difference. People begin to react automatically – even if you are not around. Each of us talking with the person who is next to us will make the difference. 
 
Who is your role model (real or fiction)? 
That is easy, my mom. Every day she would tell us that we don’t have a right to NOT speak. If we live in a part of world that stands for freedom we have to do our part to make it happen.  So when we were growing up and if we knew of a fight that was going to happen and we did nothing to stop it, WE would get into trouble. She would tell us that we were not allowed to let someone get hurt and do nothing. 
 
A little about Cassandra Thomas
Cassandra Thomas is a member of the NSVRC Advisory Council and Vice President of Direct Services of the Houston Area Women’s  Center. Cassandra is is member of the NSVRC National Advisory Council.