“When you see something that is not right, not fair, not just, you have a moral obligation to say something, do something.”
John Lewis i
Everyone deserves to live a life that is free of sexual violence. But the reality is that anyone can experience sexual violence, and young adults 18-24 (students or non-students) are at significantly higher risk than any other age group ii .This is especially true for LGBTQ+ and BIPOC1 students, students living with disabilities, sorority women and students with a history of victimization. iii When looking at the campus world, one in five women and one in sixteen men have experienced some form of sexual misconduct while in college. And only 20% of the students will ever report the sexual misconduct. ii
This leaves the question, what happens in the majority of cases, when students choose not to report the sexual misconduct? What happens to the students who caused the sexual harm when there is no report? What happens to the students who have not yet harmed anyone but are exhibiting concerning behaviors? Although these students may not be known to the campus administration or law enforcement, there are things that college communities can do to make their campuses a safer place for everyone, in addition to reducing barriers to reporting. Many of the concerning or problematic behaviors may be noticed by friends or people in the same social circle. There may be opportunities to intervene with those students who are not referred to campus administrators and even to intervene before anyone is harmed.
Bystander Intervention Programs
Bystander intervention programs are designed to decrease sexual assault among college age students by educating and encouraging students to intervene when they witness an incident or warning signs of sexual misconduct. Overall, these programs offer three key elements: 1) teaching students to be aware of risky situations; 2) empowering students to step in to help others; 3) providing the skills to promote safety throughout their community. For more information about specific programs, visit: https://www.nsvrc.org/bystander-intervention-resources. iv
Over the last decade, the number of bystander intervention programs has grown significantly throughout the campus world. These programs describe how to intervene safely to call out negative behavior, tell a person to stop, or ask someone targeted by the behavior if they are ok. Most of these programs offer a variety of intervention styles in the form of the three Ds:
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Direct: Directly interacting with the people involved
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Distract: Creating a diversion to diffuse the situation
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Delegate: Find someone in a position to help intervene
More recently, some programs talk about a fourth D: Delay. This has been a helpful addition, especially for situations where it may be unsafe to step in at the moment. Many programs offer insights into how to follow-up with the harmed student the next day and how to identify who is the best person to do the follow-up. Fewer programs explore how to follow-up with the student who may have been at risk to cause the harm. Programs have certainly explored how to challenge problematic social norms, sexist stereotypes and views and rape myths. However, this publication’s focus on perpetration prevention focuses specifically on creating opportunities to follow up with the person with problematic sexual behavior.
This guide is ultimately about preventing the perpetration of sexual harm on campus by providing students with the tools to effectively intervene in a wide range of problematic sexual behaviors. These behaviors range from concerning comments and poor understanding of personal boundaries all the way to sexual harassment, attempted rape, and rape. It is easy to simply say things like, “he did not really mean what he said,” or “she did not understand that she crossed the line,” and move on. But to create a safer community for everyone it is an essential skill to know how to talk with each other about concerning, questionable, or problematic behaviors. These skills can help us respond honestly if a friend has the courage to ask if they have crossed someone’s boundaries. They can also help us know how to take feedback if someone expresses concern with our own behavior. This guide offers strategies for these important conversations.
Why are these skills so important? It is well known that peers have a strong influence on individual behavior. v When a student is around others who either directly or indirectly endorse harmful behaviors, it is easier for them to engage in those harmful behaviors. It is equally true that someone who is at-risk to hurt others will be more likely to change if they are connected to positive social influences. These can include having a mentor in the campus community or belonging to a group that nurtures positive relationships among its members. Individuals or programs that endorse positive, healthy and safe interactions are considered pro-social support for those who are at risk to harm. If done right, these pro-social supports can be put into place before anyone is harmed.
1 LGBTQ+ is an abbreviation for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Queer and Questioning. The “plus” represents other sexual identities including pansexual, two-spirit and asexual. BIPOC is an abbreviation for Black, Indigenous, and People of Color.
Administrator Insights
The administrators tasked with addressing sexual misconduct on campus appreciate the scale of the challenge. Not only do we reflect upon the majority of incidents that do not get reported iii, but we also sit with the reality that many of the circumstances brought to our attention do not proceed through formal resolution processes for any number of reasons – not the least of which is the choice of the student directly impacted. The student believed to have caused harm may not engage in conversation about their actions and experience and, at times, may not even know of the other student’s concerns.
There are times, however, when students do seek out trusted staff on campus to express concerns about a friend’s behavior or even admit to questioning their own sexual decisions and how they may impact others. While everyone has the right to file a report or initiate grievance procedures, administrators can help expand the resources available to students, including familiarizing themselves with this guide.
Students are not alone in finding these conversations difficult. The idea that students would enter into open dialogue with each other about potential acts of sexual misconduct can feel uncomfortable for administrators charged with ensuring adherence to institutional protocols. Supporting students in sharing their perceptions with each other also aligns with a restorative approach to sexual harm – one that allows us to talk about the impact of a student’s behavior and believe them to be deserving of the opportunity to repair harm they caused. Campus administrators face extensive pressure to demonstrate their institution’s intolerance for sexual misconduct. Helping students have conversations about their concerns should not be construed as minimizing behavior or disregarding existing systems in place to respond. Rather, efforts to help students to address a friend’s actions with compassion and empathy, instead of shame and denigration, are a critical step toward creating spaces in which students can accept responsibility and move toward making things right.